


oh, just take me where you go

by wastethenight



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Falling In Love, Mild Sexual Content, Other, Slice of Life, basically i went too far while also not going far enough lol, i dont know what this is, its basically like a huge headcanon post about living in the city as college students w yoosung, mc/reader is gender neutral as always, theres like a few paragraphs idk its nothing fancy, this is disgustingly long and there isnt really a point to it, this work is literally a monster lmao, yoosungs a painter, youre a journalist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-17 10:23:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8140570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wastethenight/pseuds/wastethenight
Summary: the one where you love the stars, the city is too big to be in alone and you really didn't plan on this happening





	

**Author's Note:**

> hello ! a few quick things before we get going:
> 
> 1 - i have a tumblr !! and im gonna be posting abt our sweet mm boys (and girls) and also posting works that are too short/don't feel right to post on ao3 so follow me at burnbliind.tumblr.com for some # exclusive content ! also feel free to hit me up with asks because i love talking to people in the mm fandom yall are so nice
> 
> 2 - thank you for the overwhelming support on won't you be my livewire !! all of your messages have meant so much to me, i love u all dearly n am hoping to make similiar pieces for all the other mm characters, right now im writing sevens and we'll see where it goes from there :+) 
> 
> 3 - okay so like,,, this is incredibly long and im not sure it has much of a point lol basically i just wanted to write abt the (in some ways incredibly romanticized) idea of you n yoosungs as college kids livin in the city together and fallin in love n painter yoosung,,, and i went overboard and i hope this isn't like??? awful?? this is also so long for a one shot but dividing it up felt really weird lmao. i honestly worked on it for such an extended amount of time and have such a high threshold for bullshit i can't tell how this actually turned out but i hope it isnt Garbage and yall really like it !! or at least kind of like it ! im so nervous abt this omg,, Anyways, enjoy !!!! 
> 
> [ p.s. - you can find the playlist for this fic here: https://play.spotify.com/user/wstethenght/playlist/5BdqJjPrddoRJjMuiwTGwB ]
> 
> [ edit: if the playlist wasnt working for u before check now ! i had it private but now its public so everything should be g ! ]
> 
> [ work title is from turnover's song "humming ]
> 
> [p.p.s. from like, a year later, im writing this in december '17: there was a name in here at one point and i didnt see it until just now!!!! wow!! i am very very sorry!!!! like very!!! i have absolutely no clue why i put it there but my deepest apologies for the unimmersiveness!! if you ever find any errors in my fic please let me know!]
> 
> tipjar: ko-fi.com/burnbliind

 

The muffled sounds and buzzing of a new day keeps you company as you walk through winding streets on the outskirts of the city, seeing flowers bloom in rare patches of grass while the sun takes its time during its morning rise. You have your hands shoved in your pockets, kicking stones at your feet on your way to your college campus, it’s not bright enough outside to be awake and your body knows it. Despite all your mental blocks that you tried putting up, your body starts to feel the unnatural sensation of being awake at quarter to six in the morning, the goods and the bads all included.  You don’t like the fatiguing sense of it all before you start get your blood flowing, you feel like it hurts to breathe and be awake so early, however you do enjoy watching the sky change colours and paint itself the lightest shades of blue from pinks and purples. Making your way towards the heart of the city, you start to lose the view of the sunrise and the flowers and start to feel the hum of life starting again, your eyes can’t stay focused on one spot, continually looking around in awe of what’s your soon to be every day surroundings.

There’s something wonderful and absolutely terrifying about starting something like college, besides all the new chapter clichés they try to throw at you and your impending doom at the hands of student loan debt, you think. It’s a very strange mixture of your dreams coming true and living an awaking nightmare with your new sense of independence and self-discovery tugging at your sleeves while you try to stay focused and not crash and burn. There’s an excitement about your move to the city and knew knowledge you’ll acquire, some of which you’ll probably have to memorize while your neighbors are getting absolutely wasted and singing Smash Mouth karaoke, really defining the nightmarish qualities. Though to be honest, you haven’t even made your way to the orientation yet and you’re nervous, you know there really isn’t a reason to be after all the assurance you’ve received but your mind tends to think differently.

You arrive with the soft spring breeze under the pale blue sky, feeling small against all the big city buildings, clutching the strap of you bag in one hand and a small envelope sealed with flower stickers in another. Even getting there a bit earlier than the orientation groups to drop your down payment off – you had a bit of history with the current dean who had enough influence on the board to help cut you a more finance-friendly deal – it was still busy with students who arrived far too early, in your opinion. Your sneakers squeak softly enough to go unnoticed amoungst the chatter as you head to the dean’s office where you hold polite conversation with the secretary who takes your envelope from you, promising to keep it safe until Rosie returns (yes, it was a bit strange to be on first name basis with your dean and hear others be on a first name basis, but you take it for what it is). You’re wishing each other well after a few mutual compliments and well-mannered smiles before you even know it, turning around on your heels and leaving with a small wave.

You spend the walk back to the entrance hall where everyone is waiting attempting to calm your nerves, telling yourself that you’ve had enough experience with first days and new meetings to deal with a simple orientation, right? You feel a bit of pressure to succeed, there’s so many portraits of successors who have come from this university hung all around the building and you’ve put so much into this, too much if you’re being completely honest with yourself. You twirl and pull on loose threads from your bag in effort to distract yourself and let your mind drift off to somewhere better, maybe you’ll be fortunate enough to get lost in thoughts about the stars or the structure of the last song you heard. The entrance hall has certainly become more crowded since you first arrived, at least a bit over a hundred future students conversing with each other or starting to grow out their wallflower vines near the front windows and people still filing in. You decide to sit in one of the chairs belonging to its own little cluster in a corner that’s as quiet as it can get with more than a hundred people in a room.

You accidentally eavesdrop on a conversation a group is having about the architecture of the building, making you note its pristine state, seemingly spotless tile floor and high ceiling, almost everything painted shades of white and gold. There’s a large marble stair case a bit to the back, separating different pathways, one of which you took to get to the dean’s office. There’s almost something magical about the building, something a bit too fancy about it for it to only be used as a college campus as if it was an event hall for balls back in the sixteenth century even though you know better to believe this building is _that old_. The entrance hall is less of a hall and more of an oval, pillars supporting the next level perfectly spaced out near the sides adding to the fanciful feeling. From the pictures you’ve seen, as far as you can tell, a lot of the campus looks like this; very historical and elegant – also, expensive. But you don’t need to start sweating over the tuition cost again even though a good portion of the others here would probably do the same, now is not necessarily the time and having a financial crisis might not be the best first impression.

You try to keep to yourself but can’t help look up every so often to assess whoever your eyes land on, playing a game with yourself and trying to guess what their major is, maybe try to spitball guesses for their courses and see if you can predict future friends. Everyone in the room is majoring in some form of art or other degrees alike, so that helps to narrow it down a bit. Every person you see is so different from the next, at least in terms of appearances, but there’s something entrancing and beautiful about it. It’s that feeling of sonder, realizing everyone has a story and leads their own life where they’re loved and valued that tingles in the back of your head while watching everyone shuffle around; you love it so much. Everyone has things that are important to them and sees the world through scopes that vary so much from person to person, everyone has dreams and passions and it’s just so endearing and interesting to you.

You almost drown swimming through your own thoughts and come close to miss noticing the change in the room, if it hadn’t been for the almost instant hush of the voices belonging to those around you and everyone turned to face the grand stair case. There stood Rosanna Jones in all her powerful glory and, boy, was it strange in the best way to see the same woman who came into the old ice cream parlor at least twice a week for your entire duration working there command a room of at least two hundred college kids to shut the fuck up. Next to her stood two people, you guessed they couldn’t have been more than a couple years older than you while they were being introduced as two of the universities finest resident assistants who would help with your tour of the campus grounds. She explains how the tour will work, where to find the information about things like move-in date for those who will be living on site before splitting the crowd into two tour groups.

As you make your way over to the RA assigned to your group, you knock shoulders with a blonde boy who might be one of the prettiest people you’ve ever seen but you don’t have time to take that into consideration much as you’re spilling out apologies profusely. Or, at least, you try to, looking at him with the sorriest eyes but you’re getting lost and stumbling over your own words because something about this boy is throwing you off so much and it’s only making this more odd. When he opens his mouth to talk you are one hundred percent sure you’re so tongue tied you’re probably choking on it as whoever this boy is tries to ease your worries before you turn around as fast as you can to wriggle your way through the crowd and get lost in the sea of the student body. You know it could have been worse but you’re normally better at talking to people and certainly aren’t as jumpy with apologies, maybe it’s your lack of sleep and all the energy from the city.

For a campus so big with two different tours going on at the same time, it sure seems easy to keep bumping into people, in every sense of the word. You keep ending up near the boy from earlier, no matter how hard you try, and it isn’t the worst thing in the world and you do sneak shy glances his way when you think he isn’t looking but you really wanted to lay low today. From the courtyard to the galleries to under the impossibly high ceiling of the library where walls are bookcases instead you can’t seem to get away from him and the uncomfortable feeling settling in your chest that you aren’t sure how to feel about. Once the tour ends and you’re on your way back to the station you think it’s finally over until your decision to stop by the lake on the edge of the city is some twisted play of fate because there he is and you’re making eye contact with him and it’s over.

You take a deep breath as you walk closer and closer to him, running away would make things even stranger now, until you’re feet away from each other, “I…I’m really sorry about earlier. For running away and stuff, I don’t know what’s happening today. I didn’t really sleep and I don’t know really anyone here. I just…” you’re just spilling out your stream of consciousness to a complete stranger who probably thinks you’re ridiculous, that’s what you’re just doing.

He looks at you with soft eyes like he isn’t sure what to say until he speaks up, “No, no, you’re alright! You didn’t do anything wrong. I get it, some days are just harder than others, its fine, really.”

You’re taken aback by this stranger’s kindness as he smiles reassuringly at you and your hands tremble, eyebrows creasing together before relaxing again. The waves roll in and crash softly against the short behind him while your mind tries to find words and get them out but you think he’s recognizing the rusty gears in your brain because he just smiles bigger and sticks his hand out, introducing himself as Yoosung. You shake Yoosung’s hand with a nod, exchanging names with him and thanking him and he doesn’t quite understand why you’d be thanking him and it’s the most pure thing you’ve ever seen. He tells you that he isn’t really from around here either and you explain that you aren’t super far but you aren’t close enough to be active with people who don’t wander their way into your places of work.

When he tells you he came down to the lake to paint, you notice a canvas in his bag and panic a bit on the down low about if you had damaged it at all and he tells you there’s nothing to worry about, he and his canvas are perfectly fine and you are perfectly welcome to stay and watch him paint. You’re immediately intrigued as you sit down on the cement, dangling your feet over the edge near the water as he pulls out paints and brushes and palette knives for mixing colours. You’re about to start a really good conversation about art and your majors when you realize how late you’re going to be for your train if you don’t leave just about right this minute. You quickly pull out your journal and a pen, scribbling down a phone number and various social medias he can reach you through, ripping out the piece of paper and saying how badly you wish you could stay. He understands, but lets you know how badly he wishes you could stay too and promising to keep in touch and trying to set up a date to get lunch together or adventure around the city.

You get to your train out of breath and about a hundred and twenty seconds to spare and you make a mental note to thank the forces of the universe later, even though you can hardly breathe, at least you don’t have to waste another ten dollars on an extra train ticket. You’re quite zoned out for most of the ride, falling into the lull of the movement around you and the sounds of the tracks beneath the train wheels. Your body is swayed back and forth and jolted around a bit by the movement but you don’t mind it much while you’re lost in your head. Your body feels tired but almost at peace falling victim to the long, emotional day you had while you drag your feet down the inside of your skull. The fast moving scenery of a big city transitioning to a small town is like white noise for your eyes, you feel a bit floaty and really just can’t stop thinking of your encounter with Yoosung. It feels so nice to vibe with someone because in all honesty it’s been quite a bit since you’ve connected with someone like that especially by what seemed like the works of the world.

Of course you made friends at your old job and wondering around your small suburb but it wasn’t like this, all your friends were a lot more casual as if they were more of acquaintances or the kind of people you like to see but your relations only seemed to exist under one roof for a few minutes at a time. You weren’t intertwined souls with Yoosung or anything of the sort but the promise of seeing one another again said in such a genuine tone made you have more hope than usual. The idea of meeting with someone and exploring and maybe even making it a regular thing made you feel….well, you weren’t really sure how you felt about it exactly, but you could tell it was good. Being around someone else and learning about them and just soaking up their presence had always been one of your favourite things because you were just _enthralled_ by the warm feeling it put in your chest like you had someone who you could really care and connect with.

You come home to an empty house and quite a few notifications and texts from Yoosung a handful of hours before sunset which gives you something to do to avoid the nap that would inevitably destroy your close to non-existent sleep schedule. You try to stay awake by keeping light conversation with him and channel surfing casually though your small talk turns into taking ridiculous pictures of yourselves and sending them back and fourth while some prime time crime show plays in the background. Funny pictures turns into video chatting for at least five and a half hours where Yoosung witnesses you burn three bags of popcorn in a row and you tell him you have no idea how you’re going to live on your own through both of your fits of laughter. There’s something easy about talking to him now like the two of you have just clicked instantly after your few moments of awkward and you almost can’t believe it but for some reason it’s just so easy with him.

You make plans to see each other at a small mom and pop diner in about a two and a half weeks, texting and online messaging your ways through the next nineteen days which prove to be rather uneventful but still enjoyable. It’s nice to have someone new to talk to and have them be the first person who comes to your mind when you want to say something important or share a minute of your day with. You realize how much you miss the aspect of growing a new friendship and watching it bloom where all your efforts to keep communications up and keep each other smiling pays off in the end. You’ve missed learning how other people think and sharing your small secrets that you probably shouldn’t be sharing with someone and all the different paces relationships, platonic or not, can grow at. On the fifteenth day you feel like you’re being far too open and eager for how short of a time you’ve been acquainted with Yoosung and you know you’ve always been that way but this seems like so much like you can’t control all your word vomiting fits. It’s as if you’re moving implausibly fast with him without even trying, it feels like such a natural progression from inside but for an outsiders point of view it just seems so outlandish.  But maybe the two of you are just special to each other and your frequencies just go so well with one another, yeah, that’s probably it.

The next time you’re on the train to the city the ride feels longer and the seats feel more uncomfortable which is probably to be blamed on your keenness to just be there already, legs shaking and feet tapping and thoughts racing. You hoped you looked alright, you hoped things would be like they’ve been on the phone with Yoosung and they wouldn’t become uncomfortable all of the sudden. Ten minutes away from your stop your phone vibrates and a picture of Yoosung by the water where you first met appears captioned with a sweet little message about how he walked by the lake on his way and thought of you. A smile finds its way onto your face and you send a thankful message with an unnecessary amount of your favourite heart emoji along with it. Your texts with him have been so fun and decorative, you’ve found out you’re both the kind of people who love matching the emoji colours together and adding noses to your smiley faces and you both have quite the love for the Japanese emoticons. There’s always an excessive overuse of exclamation points in your texts back and fourth but neither of you seem to have an issue with it, enjoying the sense of appreciation it brings.

You inhale deeply as your train comes to a stop, holding onto your phone and bag tightly as people begin to crowd the isles to get out and trying to keep your nerves at bay because nothing could make your meeting weirder than your nervous habits. Though Yoosung would probably understand being the kind natured boy he is but still, for the sake of your personal goals you’d really rather not express yourself through anxious worries again. The echoes in the train station ring through your ears as you attempt to navigate your way out of the station without running into anyone and once you manage your way out the rest is rather simple. The directions Yoosung had given you were easy enough and luckily you recognized a street or two from previous drives through the city. You had grown up in a smaller area so sometimes you couldn’t believe the affect of the city and all of it’s energy flowing through the streets, all of the stones and pavement must hold so many stories and memories of their own. It was so easy to feel so big and so small in the city with the sky scrapers and ornate structure of everything could make you feel so insignificant or so purposeful it’s impact was almost crushing as it could make you feel like you were flying or falling. But no matter how you felt you were always immersed in wonder whenever you visited.

Arriving at the diner came with a pleasant feeling, it’s size not being too big or too small and the décor looking very sweet and endearing with pastel coloured appliances, booths, knickknacks and artwork adorning the white walled interior. You slide into one of the pleather booths, moving around a bit to get comfortable while trying to look as normal and casual as possible and trying to push down the worries that maybe Yoosung isn’t coming. That’s not a nice thought, at all, and you pull out your phone sending him a quick selfie of you with the light pink and blue material of your seat behind you and a message about checking in to see where he’s at. He sends you a message about how you “look so cute!” and how he’s less than a block away. The bubbles in your chest start to die down and the worries in your head quiet down because everything is okay, he’s still on his way, he still wants to see you again and everything is going to be _fine_.

It’s only a few moments before the small wind chimes attached to the door ring and Yoosung walks in, waving to some of the staff members at the counter before he catches sight of you and breaks out into the worlds biggest smile and you don’t think you’ve ever seen anyone smile at you like that. He sits down across from you and apologizes for his lateness while telling you how caught up he got watching the water because he was so glad to be so close to seeing you again. You swat your hand a bit and roll your eyes playfully and assure him it’s no big deal, you probably would have done the same thing because the world is beautiful and sometimes you just can’t help it. He laughs lightly and exclaims about someone finally getting it and something about that makes you so, so happy. He comments on your appearance again and says you look “really, _really_ pretty” and your cheeks heat up and you have to stop your knees from going all shaky while thanking him and returning the compliment because he does look extraordinarily good.  The fitted jeans put together with a hoodie and a pair of sneakers is quite the look on him, you have to admit.

A server comes by and greets the two of you while placing menus n your table next to the vase with a few white and yellow roses resting in it and you both thank her and you’re starting to pick up on the fact that everyone who comes to this building are probably one of the most kindhearted people ever. You make a comment on how charming the place seems to be and Yoosung lights up like it’s the best news he’s ever gotten. It’s true though, everyone around seems very friendly and the interior is so precious, down to the songs played softly on the radio, the diner just makes you comfortable and inspired.

“What are you thinking about getting?” Yoosung asks, seeing you open up your menu.

“Mmm…I’m not quite sure. I don’t know what much of this is but it all sounds and looks so good.” You say, moving a piece of your hair behind your ear and out of your face with a small smile.

After a bit of debating, distractions and hiding behind menus only to pop out with silly faces, the two of you decide to order your own milk shakes with a small mountain of whip cream and a cute little cherry on top, the whole ordeal, and a vanilla-cinnamon pastry of some sort for the two of you to split. While you wait you talk about your train rides and inside jokes that have developed over the past two and a half weeks and everything and anything that comes up. You discuss your mutual passion for the stars and exchange dreams and past time doodles you’ve done in your free time, you’re majoring in journalism but have a soft spot for mindless drawing. Yoosung’s captivated by your sketches and he’s so sincere about it, it almost feels like he shouldn’t be saying these things to you especially when he’s someone as talented as he is.

When the two of you get your food you’re practically drooling over it and you’re trying not to yell in the middle of the diner because this is the best thing you’ve ever eaten. You want to reach across the table and take his hands in yours and thank him over this food that’s just blessed you’re entire life; but you don’t. The two of you spend the rest of your time there blowing bubbles in your milkshake until they overflow onto the table and you rush to clean it up while one of the employees laugh at the two of you. You both pay your half and leave a nice little tip for your waitress before venturing out into the loud city streets where you walk around and hold never ending conversation until sunset where you both end back up at the lakeside. You sit shoulder to shoulder, your knees brought up to your chests while you wrap your arms around your legs feeling the gentle breeze blow by you every so often. You both know it’s getting late and you should probably leave soon but no one wants to make the first move or make the move at all but you decide to take one for the team and announce your departure. You give each other a one armed hug goodbye before you start to turn your back to start walking to the station before you’re interrupted.

“Hey!,” Yoosung calls after you and you look over your shoulder back at him, he looks like he belongs with all the colours in the sky right now, “Same time in the next two weeks?”

You laugh, “Yeah! That sounds nice. I’ll see you then, Yoosung.”

“Right back at you.”

Going into the city together becomes a frequent habit as you meet each other at the diner every two weeks and take it from there and two weeks turns into every week and one armed hugs turn into rocking back and forth in one another’s arms at greetings and goodbyes and you’ve never been happier. You encapsulate memories through polaroid pictures and videos of the two of you that might never be seen by anyone else’s eyes beside your own. You have stories of admiring artwork while playing hide and seek in museums and chasing birds near the shore with your arms outspread and playing a very tame version of footsie under restaurant tables. You recall catching cabs and paying in strictly quarters because that’s all both of you had on you and leaning out the window of Yoosung’s family car on trips out there once going to the city got too pricey. You stay up together when the other person is having a bad night and tell each other things over pinky promises and soul oaths to never tell another person, on your bad nights, if he can manage, Yoosung will take the car and come to you to cheer you up and take you for a drive. You’ve gone for cruises at three am when neither of you could sleep and couldn’t say a thing, just listening to the radio down low and the wind passing underneath your feet as you drive down high ways and secret roads.

You have pillow fights and dance to your favourite songs and sit back to back while you work, sometimes just casual scribbles or while he works on an intricate piece and you write up one of the many commentaries on the universe and what’s happening to the world right now. You stay up together until the early hours of the morning and sleep until the late afternoon, spending the rest of the day in a strange haze with one another as you say you’re “never doing this again” only to do it again a week later. You go on thrift store marathons, hitting up three or four in a row in a few days and putting on miniature fashion shows for the other like in the old 90’s and early 2000’s rom-coms until you’re drop dead exhausted and take a nap in his car at an almost empty Goodwill parking lot. You develop a habit of calling each other “honey” and you love how his fingers feel laced up in between yours and all the words he says to you, you’re really just so incredibly grateful for him.

Yoosung finds your hidden talent of making flower pressings and you discover Yoosung is an outstanding cook when he brings you breakfast in bed after a sleepover the two of you had at his place (the result of a particularly rough night for you back home) and you can’t figure out how or why he could hide such a beautiful thing. You learn he was almost went to college to be a vet or a registered nurse at a hospital a couple hundred miles away when you take a nasty fall on one of your mutual adventures, but painting made him happier. He holds your hand and tells you how painting has always been a very positive-neutral mode for him, how it always came easy and how he adored all the colours and creations he could make while he patches you up, careful not to hurt you further.

He’s always sending a warm feeling into your chest that runs around and bounces off the walls of your chest cavity, jumping around on your heart like it’s a trampoline, but it gets worse four and a half months in. A tingle starts at the nape of your neck that zig zags up and down your whole skull until it runs all the way down your spine to your toes whenever you touch now and you want to touch him more. He’ll come ‘round and you’ll look at him and then whole symphony of strings starts playing in your head and you want to reach out for him to come closer, closer, closer all the time. Yoosung speaks and it sounds like harmonies and heaven’s bells ringing when he laughs and you can’t stop looking at him and thinking about him. Sometimes on your drives or train rides to the city or when you’re picnicking in the forest and you’re sticking flowers in his hair you’ll look at him and want to pull him in and kiss him and hold his face in your hands and maybe even cry a little, but you don’t.

It’s less than a month and a half until school starts and the weather is cooling down and you’re sitting on the roof of his car (“Are you sure we won’t cave this in? I think we’re gonna cave it in!”, “We won’t cave it in, don’t worry.”, “We’re definitely gonna cave this in.”, “You’ll never know if we don’t at least try it though, honey.”) looking at the stars when you tell him about an apartment you’re in love with in Uptown. It’s only twenty minutes away from campus, depending on how you get there, and super close to where are all the shops are that go all out during Christmas and it looks _so pretty._ You explain how the owners used to go to the university and made the building for students so rent is pretty reasonable and rather inexpensive and they let paint on the walls and stuff; you’ve already met with the owners, you love them and they love you. It’s not a shoebox apartment but it’s not a penthouse either, it’s just a cute little place with three cute little rooms. You don’t know how you could afford it on your own though, you say you’ve been saving up for at least a year for the down payment and a good couple months of rent but you’d definitely need a roommate. And then Yoosung volunteers and you think he’s got to be fucking kidding for a moment and once the realization hits you that he isn’t you get so ecstatic that you almost _do_ cave in the roof of his car. You ask him over and over and over if he’s absolutely sure and vet him vigorously until you’re just about convinced.

That’s how the two of you end up standing next to each other in the nicest apartment you’ve ever seen, minus all the furniture aside from a few stools, a dresser in one of the rooms and a few mirrors on doors and walls, two and a half weeks later. Directly upon entering, there’s a big beautiful window right in the middle of the wall and you can see city sky scrapers frame the sky perfectly out of it, and to your left there’s a small kitchen area which Yoosung is _really_ excited about. There are two small rooms on each side of the living-kitchen, as Yoosung first called it, and another smaller room with a tub that seems to double as a shower, a toilet and a sink, thank god. The ceilings rise up higher than a normal apartment, giving it a very modern look, and the floors are a light shade of hardwood and something about it just rings _perfect_ to you.

It takes two trips to get all of your belongings to the city and even more to get them into the apartment but it’s worth it, you both feel so at home here and you’re so happy to be living with Yoosung. You’re neighbors with another student who Yoosung has known on and off for a while, his name is Luciel but he tells you to call him Seven and he donates his ex-girlfriend’s mattress to the two of you as a house warming gift of some kind regardless of your lack of need for it. Though, you accept it with smiles, he promises it’s clean and says he just wants it gone, apparently she cheated on him so he thinks this would be great symbolic revenge and, yeah, you kind of agree. Fuck that girl and her mattress. When you get back to the process of moving in, Yoosung tells you Seven’s a bit of an oddball, but he’s a super good guy, even though he got so frustrated with his courses the previous year he threw a textbook out the window. But, hey, good guy on the inside, frustrated, stressed out college student on the outside; very understandable.

You discover you’re both quite the blanket and pillow hoarders while moving in, you both certainly have enough for your beds, so you take your new found mattress and decide to put it against the wall with the big window and another wall, adorning it with some cushions and pillows around the side and a down blanket over the top as a makeshift couch. You help Yoosung unpack the things for the kitchen, extremely grateful for his love of cooking considering he was the one who brought most of the supplies over aside from a few cups, plates and a cookie sheet or two. You smile at each other, soaking in one another’s energy while you pack as soft music plays because neither of you can do almost anything in silence, there’s something so right about how this feels and the domesticity of it all. You don’t know it, but watching you put away favourite mugs with clever sayings and adorable artwork on them and trying your hardest to help him stack plates even going as far to stand on your tippy toes and climb on the counter to reach the top shelf of the cabinet makes Yoosung have to bite back a smile from how endearing the sight is. It might be one of his favourites.

Yoosung helps you retrieve a ladder from the maintenance manager who is kind enough to let you borrow it to string up fairy lights around your apartment with a specific focus on the living room. You take turns holding the ladder still for each other and swearing that, _no_ , you _won’t let go_ , especially with your clumsy nature kept in mind.  Little lights run up the walls and droop down from the ceiling a bit, the house has a warm glow about it now almost like it’s stuck in a state of golden hour. It feels so right to be here like maybe your life is actually going where it’s supposed to for once and its going a way that you don’t hate and maybe things are finally going to be okay. You hope so, you hope so more than ever that this is right and this is what you’ll be wishing on the stars for from now on. Wishing and hoping and praying for this life right now with the best person you’ve ever met chasing your dreams like a kid again with your head in the clouds.

You decide to set up your rooms separately unless one of you calls the other over for help and you’re sort of grateful for your moment with just you and your thoughts and your life in a few cardboard boxes. You need this moment to organize yourself in the haze of excitement, too many feelings, good or bad, all at once gets super overstimulating and you certainly don’t want that. Your room has another tall window, though much smaller in comparison to the one in your living room, not even taking up a third of the wall and it has mullions all up and down it. You slide your mattress in front of it before putting all your pillows and blankets onto it and starting to take out your technology and books. It feels so offbeat when you run your hands over old photo albums and books and magazines you’ve loved ever since you were a teenager in such a new place, but it’s a good kind of offbeat. You keep your laptop and phone near your bed along with your current journal and move the rest over to a corner of the room, pens, pencils and other assorted items clattering against each other when you set them down. Your candles mostly find their way over to the same corner, with two by your bed and two on the island that separates your living room from your kitchen. Thankfully, you were lucky enough to fall in love with an apartment with a nice closet considering its size, a full body mirror adorning it’s door and you hang all your clothes up with ease, placing what you can’t hang up on the floor inside along with your camera and film.

When the two of you are done setting your rooms up, you sit at the counter next to each other, wobbling a bit on your stool and tapping the end of your pencil while you make a grocery list deciding that you desperately need to go shopping and set aside a bit of money for interior decorating and non-food items. You’re both not awful at budgeting which helps and probably have enough for a few months of rent right now which is definitely being set aside and left untouched for that purpose. All of your appliances are intact, including Yoosung’s blender he brought with that made you giggle just a little because it was a very Yoosung thing to bring and have, and you brought your vacuum, so you don’t have to worry about getting anything new in that regard. Once you think you have a pretty solid list, one which you know will probably only be half used because of how off track the two of you can get, you head out together for your walk to the nearest convenience store. The complex’s parking is incredibly cheap for students meaning Yoosung gets to keep his car near but gas is not incredibly cheap leading to the mutual decision to walk as much as possible.

You both know the two of you are basically, technically adults now – you have an apartment together and are living on your own in the city and about to start attending college and getting a job to hold things up, so you should be doing adult things and acting more mature. However that all falls apart when the urge to jump in the elevator between floors is too strong and the entire ride is spent jumping up and down in fits of laughter and you love your life when Yoosung takes your hand and steps out of the elevator with you. It’s only late afternoon so the sun is still out and everything is beautiful and life is good and when you ask Yoosung if he regrets moving in with you yet and he says that it was the best decision he’s ever made you feel hundreds of little fireworks explode inside your chest. The convenience store is only a ten minute walk away and everything around you is so light and wonderful and it takes all the strength in the world for the two of you to not ride on the carts like absolute children, but you do it.

Getting food is a pretty easy task and with someone like Yoosung who’s so skilled in cooking, it’s an honest breeze. He picks up some cheap bread and bagels and fruits and other assorted cooking items while you’re left in charge of picking out the snacks and riding along in the cart when you get too tired to walk. Also, garbage bags, you’re in charge of getting the garbage bags and things like paper towels and toilet paper because you cannot imagine what kind of hellhole you’d be living in without those. You’re amazingly well-versed in shopping clearance and finding exceptional deals, you feel on top of the world when you get a pair of curtains for a dollar and a rug for five. Your place is in need of lighting, Yoosung’s room the most, but the lamps are ten dollars each and you can’t carry too much home so you decide on one for his room for now, other spaces can be worried about later.  You get a couple of bins, the fabric kind that can fold up for storage and so you can flip one upside down and use it as a table in your room and a coffee table for twenty which the store holds so the two of you can run by and get it tomorrow, you have too much to carry tonight. The total isn’t horrendous, Yoosung buys the food and you buy everything else which works out astonishingly well, the two of you high-fiving in success.

Your trip home isn’t exactly one where you travel light, you’re both over the moon to get home and flop down on your makeshift couch, but it could have been much worse. The sun is almost done setting when the two of you are officially done unpacking, sitting together under a blanket near the window in loose t-shirts and sweatpants, looking out the window and taking a moment to breathe with one another. The lights of skyscrapers and other buildings twinkle in the distance as an airplane flies across the sky in the distance and the serenity of the sight has you both engulfed in it. You’re both getting tired and you almost fall asleep right there so comfortable and relaxed being so near to someone as special as he is to you, you shake yourself from your sleep though making a small noise of complaint.

“Are you alright?” Yoosung asks you softly, shifting his gaze from the window to you whose curling up to him, wrapping an arm around his waist even though your brain tells you don’t, don’t, don’t. But you can’t help it, you know he’s alright with it, the two of you have become extraordinarily comfortable with each other and existing inside the other’s bubble of personal space and vice versa.

“Just tired. I don’t want to move though…” You reach up to rub your eye, trying to wake yourself up a bit more.

“Just go to bed here, we can have a slumber party in our living room tonight.” He smiles at you and if you hadn’t even been the slightest bit into that idea he would have flat out convinced you in a second and you smile back at him because _yes_ , you would love that and you are too lucky.

You get a bit closer to him, nuzzling your face on what you think is his chest while he wraps an arm around you and you thank him quietly, you thank him over and over until your brain is too tired to give commands to your body. He runs his hand up and down your back, wishing you sweet dreams and a safe sleep and you don’t think this is what friends do, you know this isn’t what friends do. Friends don’t reach out for each other’s hand when they’re feeling too much or just need a reminder that they’re still there and friends don’t do what you and Yoosung do or maybe they do and maybe you don’t know after all. But friends usually don’t want to kiss each other, but it’s probably just you, so maybe this is what friends do.  You can hear the hums of Yoosung’s voice and neighbor’s footsteps and the wind blowing through the city as you start to doze off.

You wake up to bright light streaming through the curtains and the sound of something sizzling on the stove that smells so strikingly good you’d run out of bed if you weren’t still in your sleepy state. You can make Yoosung standing in the kitchen out through your blurry morning vision, hair stick out all over the place and still in the same thing from last night and you are blessed to wake up to this sight. You sit up and stretch and you think the clock says 9:55 but you can’t be one hundred percent on that, but the sunlight coming in looks so ethereal and it’s warming up the apartment like a dream. Inhaling deeply, you stand up and make your way over to one of the stools and waving when Yoosung sees you out of the corner of his eye and a smile spreads onto his face and you want to slam your head into the fucking counter because it’s too early for this and he shouldn’t be able to be this adorable.

You also want to slam your head into the counter when you realize that this is going to be your morning for god knows how long now which is, like, unbelievable to you, especially so early in the morning but you do have to admit its going to be the best and worst thing ever. Or it might just end being the best thing ever without the negatives, you have your fingers crossed for the good ending between you two whether its white picket fences with two children and a dog with three legs or being near each other every step of the platonic way. You’re fate with him is sealed now though and you are in it for the long run just like he is no matter how long or short it is.

“Morning! How’d you sleep?” Yoosung is _such_ a morning person it should be illegal. No one should be able to be this happy and this cheerful in the morning, let alone be _alive_ before 10 am which you know is the biggest contradiction seeing as you’re about to start college with ten am classes but it doesn’t mean you have to like it. You are allowed to think the morning is pretty while wanting to sleep for an outrageous amount of time and then have two to three hours to prepare to become a person for the rest of the day.

But, it’s easier to wake up with Yoosung, you think as you rest your chin in your palms, “Really good, actually. What about you, honey?”

He laughs while turning the knobs on the stove and looking just about ready to take whatever it is off the frying pan, “Perfectly. You’re really pretty when you sleep, and really warm too! It was nice, I worried about waking you up when I needed to go make breakfast, though.”

You have to try not to choke on your own spit when he calls you pretty, you know he’s done it many times before but calling you pretty and warm after a night in bed together in the tamest way in your sleepy, vulnerable state has you fucked up. You have to compose yourself quickly though, “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“For what? It wasn’t you, it was just my mind acting all weird. No worries, hon.” He turns around with two plates what you think is French toast and your head slides down in your palms with a groan.

“You made French toast. I love you, you are my favourite person ever, I’m changing my major to philosophy so I can spread the word of Yoosung. Oh my god.” This is the best day of your life, you say that a lot now but right now in this moment today is the best day because Yoosung can turn the shittiest, cheapest bread into fluffy, sweet heaven.

He slides onto the stool next to you and watches you put what is probably way too much syrup onto your breakfast with a smile that glows like the the sunrays coming through the clouds as you take a bite of it and moaning again, “I’m glad you like it.”

“You make all these delicious meals, Yoosung. What am I going to contribute to our roommate-ship?” You ask, half-jokingly because honestly, what are you bringing to the table both literally and metaphorically?

He nudges you with his shoulder, moving some food around on his plate, “Stop that. You’re just as good, if not better than me at being a roommate. I moved in because I wanted to live with you, you’re already special.”

You spend the rest of your meal quiet, aside from a few jokes or thoughts that come through and cleaning up afterwards when you remember you have to go get that table today which you don’t _really_ want to do but, hey, welcome to adulthood. Yoosung tags along, he says it’s for support but you know its really because both of you know you’re going to need his help carrying the table home, otherwise you’ll probably drop it on yourself. He’s pretty lanky, but his strength combined with yours is enough to get your new coffee table home safe and sound aside from the hole that began to form on the bottom of the box when you two got too tired to carry it and decided to drag it the rest of the way home. “Home” still feels so weird on your tongue and in your thoughts but you also love it at the same time like the unexpected, abnormal change that’s transforming just as it should be.

The desk should be simple enough, it _should_ be – but it isn’t; neither you nor Yoosung are quite the direction reading type unless absolutely forced to and for one of you who’s looking into writing for a living you two are terrible at understanding them as well. After two hours of yelling in hushed voices back and forth over _why_ this thing doesn’t make _any sense_ and putting it together wrong one and a half times (don’t ask) and almost burning the god forsaken thing you, you finally start to make headway. You find out that putting things together when you’re actually doing it right is really enjoyable, especially when you stick screws up your nose and in your ears as a joke to make Yoosung laugh, that’s great and the final product pays of so well. You both feel a swell of pride after you step away and look at your coffee table, standing a few inches away from your fake couch, strong with two glasses of water and a candle on it and neither of you can help but freak out just a bit because you made a coffee table! Together! And it was only twenty dollars! Real life dreams, coming true.

You spend the rest of the day cuddled up together and watching your favourite movies on your laptop, resting on your brand new table, might you add, cuddled up together with your favourite blankets and a bag of popcorn. You watch Yoosung play a round of a game he likes called LOLOL and cheer on his character, the art style is pretty but the people seem mean which is perplexing to you considering Yoosung’s consistently sweet nature towards you and seemingly everyone else. Most days in your new apartment, lazy or not, go down something like that while the two of you alternate between sleeping in the living room and sleeping in your own rooms, occasionally having the slumber party in you or Yoosung’s room if the other one comes in feeling homesick or has a nightmare or something along those lines.

The two of you don’t get homesick that much seeing as you sort of brought a big piece of your home with you, that piece being one another, but sometimes Yoosung misses his mother and father and you miss your old home and how it had just become a way of life to exist under that one roof. Sometimes one of you will get anxious or depressed and the other will stay by whoever’s upset’s side for as long as it takes for them to feel better whether it be hours or days or even if it doesn’t happen, thick as thieves the two of you are, always keeping an eye out for each other. Whenever you get particularly stressed out you always find your way to Yoosung who runs his fingers through your hair for a few moments before wrapping an arm around you and mixing some paints for you with his palette knife, he knows you love the colours and the sounds and the way it looks. He’ll do pieces on the flaps of your moving boxes and whatever he can find really. Whenever he needs a bit of extra care you’ll tell him extravagant fantasy stories you’ve made up, always having had quite the imagination even though your journalism tends to be focused on the real world.

You don’t go down to the diner you used to as much anymore just for financial reasons but sometimes the owners or friends will treat the two of you, having known Yoosung since he’s been in the general area and having loved watching your relationship bloom at their very own booth. The two of you spend a lot of time exploring the nearby areas and cheap shops, there’s a record shop that sits next to a comic store and both of you spend a good chunk of time there even when you don’t buy anything. You love going into art stores with Yoosung, you’ve been a casual artist your whole life and watching him explain things to you, intently listening is enchanting to you. Yoosung loves to listen to your music with you seeing as you’re always accumulating new songs for playlists and having all these intense theories about what the songs and albums could be about, analyzing music videos and seeing how people react to them.

The two of you love sitting by the big window in your living room and just looking out at it, you count the stars you see each night together even through the light pollution in the city and sometimes Yoosung will recreate the sunsets for you with subpar dollar store paints, the first day of your courses is drawing near and he has to start saving his supplies but it’s just fine because everything he paints is still just as breathtaking, it baffles you. The night before your first day you sit together in front of the window, resting your elbows on your knees and you’re so caught up in your thoughts you feel like you’re falling and falling and falling and you just can’t stop the spiral of your thoughts.

You speak up with a quiet shaky voice and ask Yoosung if he’s scared for tomorrow and you want to say so much more but your tongue feels so big in your mouth and it feels like comets are falling into the side of your skull. He looks at you with a heartbreaking look that holds so much concern for you, too much concern and he tells you that he’s nervous but he’s excited so it’s not that bad, but what about you? You want to cry and feel so embarrassed when you speak up and tell him that yes, yes you are because what if you aren’t good enough or what if everyone hates you or what if you hate what you’re majoring in and what if you don’t have the willpower to do this, that can’t happen, you tell him you have too much riding on this.

He pulls you into a hug, rubbing your back and promising you that it’s going to be just fine, he will make sure it will be. His voice is so sincere when he tells you that you are talented and he knows that the stars are on your side and you are going to flourish in what you do and that it’s okay if you don’t love it, you can always switch and that no matter what happens he’s going to be right here with you. Your shoulders shake and you hold onto him and you thank him and tell him that he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you, he tells you that you are the best thing that’s ever happened to yourself because no one is as good as you are and you can’t fathom what he’s saying. He is the sun and the beautiful  blue sky and all of it’s warmth and you feel so beyond lucky to even bask in his light for moment, less than a moment for a mere few seconds. He tells you that you deserve to stand in the light all the time, you deserve to let yourself glow forever and ever and be proud of all the brightness bottled up in you.

Yoosung sleeps near the window with you that night and lights a few candles for you, careful to blow them out once you’re finally asleep and in the morning he helps double check your outfit and all your supplies and triple checks that, yes, you look lovely. You take a bus to campus together, both of you too full of nerves mixed with droopy eyes to drive there on your own, you sit shoulder to shoulder and make a few comments trying to make the other laugh. It doesn’t take too terribly long to get to campus, you’re dropped off a city block or so away from it and you’ve both learned how to walk fast without hurting yourself so you can arrive on time with the bit of extra rush you need. The first day is rather relaxed, it’s mostly getting a better look at where everything on the campus is, introduction and going to your classes with your fellow students but not doing much work. You find yourself near a girl in your public relations class with dainty glasses and short hair and clearly a very intelligent mind, you can tell by the way she speaks she’s wiser than her years and retains so much information. You’re fast friends, learning her name is Jaehee and are quick to exchange contact information and you’re both pleasantly surprised to see each other again in your societal issues and journalism course.

Your classes blow over much easier than expected, the lectures are nice since they’re much more skippable so if any health issues or emergencies come up there’s less stress about missing classes and information. You have your multi-media class with Yoosung and it’s genuinely so fun, getting to create things and collaborate with him whenever the class calls for it. You struggle a bit in your public relations course but Jaehee is amazingly willing to help you with course work and misunderstandings, she’s such a gem and you have her over for a movie night where you drink wine and pop two bags of popcorn and watch your favourite strong-female -character prime time dramas. You discover your mutual guilty pleasure kind of love for musicals and crime shows, you both know they probably seem ridiculous but for some reason you can’t escape them. You and Yoosung have had Seven over a few times too and he certainly is a blast, has a really good taste in music too and the two of you could go on about internet-y things with each other for forever and he says he’d love to help you set up a site for blogging and get it out there. Things go exceedingly well for a surprising amount of time and you really can’t complain, until you can.

It’s ridiculous, like most of the internal squabbles you have and it’s not Yoosung’s fault at all and it shouldn’t bother you but it does. He comes home one day much later than you’d anticipated since his classes ended four hours ago and you were almost ready to call campus to see if he was okay, which he is. He’s got this big smile on his face and looks like he’s absolutely glowing clutching some text books to his chest and you can’t wait to hear what he has to say because it’s the best when he looks like this, it really is. He starts telling you about this girl he met, Julie, her name is Julie and she has the longest blonde hair and such pretty blue eyes and she’s _so smart_ and she works mostly with _oil paints_ and she sounds great for the first fourty minutes he talks about her until it’s been three hours and you almost haven’t been able to get more than thirty words in. She sounds great until you notice his phone buzzing every three to seven minutes and a ten digit number scribbled on his arm in a complimenting shade of pink written in the finest handwriting you’ve ever seen and your worries start to eat you alive.

She sounds great, and you’re really happy for Yoosung because he’s happy but when he mentions taking her to the diner he took you to something in your brain switches and your hands start to feel shaky and you feel too small to exist in the world now. She sounds great but Yoosung talking about taking her out on a date to your special place with him (you shouldn’t be calling it that, it probably isn’t even any place special but it’s special to you) has you in tatters. She’s great until she’s all he can talk about and you have to get this to stop somehow so you make up some excuse about having to help Jaehee with some work after two weeks of Julie talk and you end up crying on Jaehee’s doorstep twenty minutes later. You say you’re sorry and you try so hard to get the words out of your mouth but you can’t and she just pulls you inside and gives you the longest hug of your life.

It’s not that he has other friends or that he’s having free will or is probably about to start dating this girl but it is that he’s about to fall in love and it’s not with you. You want him to be happy so bad and you want to support him in whatever he does but it’s hard to think about though because you don’t want to go to his wedding and cheer him on when it isn’t yours too. You are here for him in the long run no matter what and will care for him no matter what but you don’t want to hear him with some girl or boy or whoever at two am when you’re supposed to be sleeping or marathon watching movies together. You know it’s naïve and your feelings are far too irrational, the two of you weren’t together or anything but you just _thought_...

You go home a few days after staying at Jaehee’s for a while and you know Yoosung’s gone out with Julie by now, you saw the pictures all over your social medias and you want to be the good friend who asks how things went but you just can’t. You and Yoosung hang out in the living room that night and you’re gnawing on the inside of your cheek so hard you can taste blood in your mouth and you don’t want to speak but your brain has other ideas. Your voice is so wobbly and too weak to sound normal and you know it but you can’t stop it, “How was, um, did you…do…do you like Julie? Like, like her, like her?”

You regret it the moment you ask and you wish you could reach out and pull the words from the air and shove them right back in your mouth before anyone could hear them, especially Yoosung who looks at you so peculiarly and you’ve never felt more absurd in your whole life. You feel like the child in elementary who would always give the wrong answers so proudly and who everyone thought was so, so annoying but always kept around, trying to have good manners like their parents taught them to.

Yoosung puts his paint brush down and move’s his notepad to the side as he looks at you with this expression that you can’t read and it’s driving you wild in the worst way, “I mean, she’s really nice and really talented and I think she’s a great friend,” and here it comes, “but…not really. Our date was fine, don’t get me wrong! But, that’s all it was. And I think I want something a little more than fine, especially right now.”

What. What? You shake your head slightly, blinking a few times because there’s no way you heard that right and you have no idea how to react to it. Yoosung’s voice rings through your thoughts, or lack thereof at the moment, “Hey, are you alright?”

You swallow hard, feeling self-conscious all of the sudden. You shouldn’t be worried about this but then again, you shouldn’t be worried about a lot of things that you are concerned about like whether or not a monster is going to grab your leg if you let it hang off your bed and pull you off or whether people really like you or not. You try to be sure in your words but it comes out like more of a question, “I…No? Maybe? I…I don’t know. I just…”

He looks over at you, eyebrows raised in concern and head cocked to the side as he tells you that you can tell him anything and you want to say no, no you can’t because you live in an apartment with him now, you two have a lease that goes on for months and you don’t want to ruin this even though you feel like you already have. It’s not like everything has changed, Yoosung is still the same and you are too you’re just hurt right now and need to pick your pieces back up but it’s so hard right now. You don’t do things like this, this isn’t your life where you’re this open about your romantic feelings and you certainly don’t live with people who you have romantic feelings but the thing is, you do now. This year you _do_ , you have been for over the past eight or nine months because this _is_ how you are and it’s new and scary and you just want things to be okay.

You sniffle and rub at your eyes, you’re not going to cry and you need to stop tearing up right now because it probably isn’t even that deep, you know its not and you’ve embarrassed yourself enough. You make him promise not to freak out, unless he wants to or has to or there’s any reason for it, really it’s not that stable of an oath but it gives you a false sense of stability. You look anywhere but Yoosung when you speak, you try to focus on you moving your feet and observing the floor until it swallows you whole, “I just…It kind of hurt hearing you talk about her so much and seeing you take her to the diner. Just because that was, like, _our place_ , y’know? She is really nice and really wonderful and I’m really glad the two of you are friends, don’t get me wrong. I want to hear about how you’re doing and how she’s doing, but I want to talk about other stuff too and I” you think about telling him the rest, about how you like him the way you thought he liked Julie, you don’t though, “…I don’t know, it was foolish.”

“No, no, it’s not. Your feelings aren’t foolish at all. I’m sorry I didn’t know sooner, if I ever do anything to upset you don’t feel scared to let me know, okay? I got caught up in it all, thank you for telling me, I want us to be able to talk and be happy here with each other.” Yoosung looks at you so sincerely your breath catches in your throat and you can’t think for a minute.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, some of it was just, like, internalized personal problems so I’m to blame too. But same to you, I want you to be happy, I really do, you’re a really good person Yoosung…I like you a lot.” Your voice almost trembles at the end but you hold your ground because you didn’t completely blow your cover over hopeless pining for your roommate. Yoosung tells you that he likes you too because what else would he say and you become very aware of your own breathing and the fact that you have to make your body breathe especially when your brain is all jumbled like this. You feel better though, a lot better and you’re glad you can talk to him like this.

It feels easier to breathe now as your anxieties and worries have met their match of Yoosung’s reassuring and understanding words. You look out the window and watch the glow of flickering city lights and your mind finds a calm state in watching the occasional plane fly overhead. You and Yoosung squint and lean close to the glass looking at the surprising amount of stars you can see in the sky tonight, normally you can only locate a handful but there has to be at least thirteen visible tonight and you’re both so overjoyed, if anyone else was with you they’d probably think the two of you were out of your minds. You both love the stars and they love you too and sometimes the two of you talk in hushed voices with soft smiles that you think the cosmos had something to do with your meeting one another. You’ve talked to Jaehee’s friend Zen about it on the occasion, he’s minoring in astronomy and astrophysics just for the fun of it and maybe it’s his philosophy major talking but he wouldn’t doubt the chances.

You aren’t sure when Yoosung had gotten so close to you and when you’d done the same to him but his voice next to you knocks at the door to your deep thoughts, drawing you out, “Hey, is alright if I try something? With you? If you don’t like it it never has to happen ever again, it doesn’t even have to happen now but….I’d really like to try something with you.”

You’re confused and have no idea what you’re in for, but you trust Yoosung, you really do so you laugh a little and tell him _not to worry_ , and _of course_ you’ll do it. He turns to face you more and smiles a little, taking a deep breath and he’s getting closer and closer and suddenly you’re noses are so close to touching and he’s looking at your lips and you’re looking between his and his beautiful, beautiful eyes. He looks up and makes eye contact with you one last time before resting a hand on the side of your face, closing his eyes and kissing you. It’s soft and chaste and doesn’t last more than a couple seconds but it feels so genuine and he pulls away with a look that seems to be a mixture of wonder and hanging on your every breath, waiting for you to say something. The two of you can’t stop looking at each other and you have no words because the universe is giving you something that you probably don’t deserve but as soon as Yoosung goes to speak you grab his face and pull him in for another kiss.

Your noses bump and you laugh a little but its an honest kiss with so much flowing between the two of you, it’s careful and respectful and feels like the best kiss you’ve ever had. You can hear cars rush by on the streets below while you break away and give him a few small kisses before being forehead to forehead and you think standing naked in front of a stadium full of people would be less intense than this. It’s so intimate and raw and unexpected but all you’ve ever wanted and he has the prettiest eyes you’ve ever fucking seen and he is one of the best fucking things in the whole wide world. He stays like that with you, closing his eyes and breathing in deep before he breaks out in the cheesiest grin you’ve ever seen and you can’t help but laugh the smallest bit.

“The diner wasn’t my idea, when I was with Julie I mean, I didn’t want to take her there. But that…with you…that was what I want. That’s the more-than-fine feeling, I think that’s something special, I think you’re someone special and I want to be special to you too. That’s the kind of feeling that’s worth fighting for and holding onto right now.” Yoosung looks at you like you’re the most unreal thing he’s ever seen in the best way, like he almost can’t believe your real but is holding onto so much faith in you, “I don’t know if you’d want to try to work something out, with you and me and us. I know I would really, really like that but if this was just a onetime thing, that’s okay too. I just…really needed to put my feelings out there.”

You shake your head, smiling as you take his hands in yours and grinning at him like a fool, “Yoosung. I’d love to, I’d love to work something out with me and you and us. Trust me when I say nothing would make me happier.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Yes! I’m sure! Cross my heart, honey.”

You don’t think you’ve ever seen him smile this big and you swear you can feel sunshine radiating off of him, he’s glowing and pulling you in for the tightest hug ever and you’re both laughing and maybe crying a little. He rocks you back and forth and you feel so happy, you have no idea what you ever did so right in the universe that it gave you this good karma but you’re glad for whatever it was. Yoosung is so excited it’s almost unfathomable, he’s big smiles and warm hugs and smiling so hard your cheeks hurt for three days and he’s so excited over _you_ and it’s blowing your mind, honestly. You’re sure it’ll get messy sometimes but both of you have so much respect for each other and a clear amount of trust that you really think everything is going to work out.

“Wait,” Yoosung says and he looks like he just had the best epiphany ever come through to him, “does this mean I can call you other cute names now? Not just ‘honey’?”

You nod your head and tell him that _yes, he can_ and you swear he’s the sweetest person alive and is probably too pure for the world, he has so much light bottled all up inside him and such a big heart. The two of you stay up sharing stories about how you had figured out your feelings for one another and they might be your favourite thing, from times to when you almost let it slip and times that felt like turning red and hiding your face in your hands giggling like middle schoolers, they were all so endearing and so _Yoosung_ and so _you_. You realize that you’ve wished on shooting stars for each other before one too many times and probably both have a collection of art pieces in all various forms about one another. Yoosung shows you the painting he did at the shoreline the first day you met and it’s even prettier than the real thing and then he brings out a canvas with a painting of you on it and your speechless, looking up to him before reaching your hand out, almost afraid to touch it. You look so beautiful in it, you’re smiling and looking up, presumably at him and you don’t know how he managed this but you’ve never felt prettier than you do looking at yourself made out of his brush strokes and surrounded by soft pastels.

You have to try not to cry when you thank him for it and you can’t stop talking about how much you love it and how meaningful it is. You’re still blinking away tears when you open up a small box, no bigger than a foot with flower pressings over polaroids and sketches of him with poetry text in the background and personal journal entries. It feels weird showing him this, you never thought you would and it’s such a personal part of your heart and your work but he stares at it like it’s the most important thing he’s seen in his whole life. You’ve put pictures of him over song lyrics and journal entries about moving to the city and the stars and the feeling that settles in your chest when you find someone who makes you feel loved when their words rest in the nicest place in your mind. You murmur softly to him about the meanings of the yellow chrysanthemums and the lilac irises and the daisies which he looks so radiant against, even though your works probably look juvenile compared to his he loves them none the less, says he thinks the way they’re crafted and created just shows how fondly you really think of him and it makes him endlessly happy.

The two of you are the epitome of the cliché highschool lovers in old romance movies being the dreamiest lovers you’ll ever met, especially in these early weeks of your new relationship and it probably is over the top to other people but you get lost in each other a bit too easily. You walk each other to your classes and hold the other’s books when they’re too tired and you pass little notes to Yoosung when you come across him on campus on busy days. But things stay the same for the most part, now you just get to hold his hands _and_  kiss him and call him cute names and everything is a lot more intimate and you'd be lying if you said you both didn't really love it. You wear his sweaters on early mornings as he presses soft kisses to your neck and shoulders, whispering about how adorable you look in his clothes while his cheeks heat up and his nose bumps into your ear.

Your relationship proves to be a better than good decision, you’re both very adamant about communicating with each other and making sure you’re both comfortable and enjoying yourselves in just about whatever you do. Of course, there’s some communication slip ups but they never last too long and you both can admit when you’re in the wrong, everything tends to have a quick recovery. You care for one another, always looking out for the other person and checking in with them to make sure they're feeling alright and safe, something that's heavily important to the two of you, you want the other to feel content and safe so truly. The two of you never go further into anything if the other is uncomfortable and Yoosung’s continual reminders to you that it’s alright to say no and the he never, ever wants to pressure you, he just wants you to be happy that you echo back to him like a broken record are more than helpful and appreciated. You're good at being your own individuals and having lives outside of your relationship while remaining connected and committed as much as ever and you're both proud of how well your relationship has survived through the stress of college and life.

Yoosung often goes on art runs with his close friend V who's in your multi-media course, he's majoring in photography and film and his work is remarkable, there really aren't words for it. The two will get into small squabbles sometimes but nothing big, and V's certainly nice enough and has always been polite with you, talking to you about your polaroids and sharing tips and pointers regardless of the clear difference in your works. You spend a lot of time with Jaehee and Zen, bonding over anything and everything, especially the worlds above you in the sky and you can always hold a solid conversation with them about the world's state and what not. Of course, your neighbor Seven is always a welcomed guest, you have him over for dinner and always make sure to invite him to larger gatherings you have with all your friends, and you and Yoosung feel very humbled to have such sweet souls around.

Near the end of the fall, you manage to pick up a job at your local bookstore, the owner is a kind old woman with a knack for fantasy novels who thinks that you and your boyfriend are just "the sweetest thing ever". The pay isn't amazing but it's generous enough to help you keep your place in uptown with Yoosung and it makes you happy, so that's all that really matters, plus, you're happy enough to be able to find a job that you like and pays you moderately decent in your college years. You get to spend most of your hours in the quiet, doing whatever you wish once you're done with your work before your shifts end, you spend more and more time with your nose in books and trying to scrape up every bit of extra knowledge you can and sometimes writing blog posts for the site Seven helped you set up. Yoosung gets picked up a lot for painting commissions by the grace of whatever God he does or doesn't believe in, they pay of considerably better than your bookstore gig and you get to keep him company whenever you have the free time to so it isn't bad at all.

A few nights pass in your apartment without any star gazing and it should not get you as down as it does, you miss the way they glisten all the way up there and you miss their general presence and you don't think much of it until Yoosung mentions it to you, noticing that you've been acting a bit off. Half way through your conversation he tells you to go get your coat with a big old smile and you're sure he's up to something but boggled to what it could be, this boy has so many wild ideas in his head its hard to guess anymore. You ask in hopes of understanding more but when he tells you that he's going to go get the stars back for you and you think he's got to be kidding, but still, you do what he says because you can't help being as smitten and intrigued as you are. It's cool as Yoosung pulls you closer to him on the street in an effort to keep you warmer, the fall is nearing it's end and the city should not be as windy as it with all it's skyscrapers. You walk quickly with him until coming to a stop in front of a big wooden door that he pushes open with ease and the hinges creek before the building's familiar smell and structure rings bells in your skull. Of course, Yoosung is dragging you to the paint isle of the ever so familiar art store the two of you frequent with one another every so often and he's telling you to pick between a shades of blues and purples.

You do it, of course, but not without question, "Yoosung, what are you doing?"

He's standing with his arms crossed, chewing on the inside of his cheek in concentration before his train of thought derails from your voice. He turns to smile at you, "I told you, I'm getting you stars."

Nope. Nothing, that doesn't help at all, "What do you mean?"

"You said the building lets us paint on the walls, right? Tonight, well, and maybe a few days after because of how big it'll be, I'm going to put all the stars you could ever imagine right in our living room so you can see them forever." He's giving you the toothiest smile and he looks so proud of himself and his revelation and you feel so many emotions all at once because he's about to do the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for you. You open your mouth to protest because this is too nice and he can't possibly do this for you but he stops you like he's read your mind and you know he's hell-bent on it now and you're not against it, it's just...so cordial and you're flattered beyond belief. You can't believe he's about to paint you an entire night sky on one of your walls and almost quite literally give you the stars, you can't believe someone would do this for you, that someone would look at you and find you so deserving of something like this like Yoosung is right now. 

It's fascinating to watch the gears in his head turn as he maneuvers his way through the aisles of paint, picking up a few brushes and a tarp along the way, he's so careful about what shade of paint to pick, making sure it has the right undertone and hue to it, making sure nothing will be over or under saturated to paint you the perfect night sky. You follow him around like his shadow sewn to the bottom of his feet and stretched out behind him, his drive and passion always dazzles you just like everything else about him. You kind of love your view right now, walking around an art store at dusk with your boyfriend, faced with his lanky structure with his back that you love to rest your face against when you come up behind him and wrap your arms around his waist when he's cooking and you both still have sleep in your eyes and messy hair.

You follow him to the register where he's mumbling requests about how many liters of paint he needs to the current worker, who both of you recognize from being frequent fliers here. He's nodding along to what Yoosung is saying and filling up buckets of paint and sealing them skillfully. He gives the two of you a confused look, laughing a bit and asking your boyfriend what he's painting at this hour. He grins that big bright happy grin that he can't seem to keep off his face tonight and proudly explains that he's painting a night sky as big as he can for you since you miss the stars. The cashier smiles at him, aweing at the two of you and telling him how endearing that is and how he's very glad to know that love, in fact, isn't dead.  You reach for your wallet once the paint is rung up but Yoosung stops you and tells you not to worry because this is on him and you almost can't handle all the favours tonight.

He hails a cab down to drive the two of you home, explaining he sort of went overboard with all the supplies and how he's a bit uncontrollable in art stores and the two of you cuddle up in the back seat, watching the city pass by in your windows. He plays with your fingers a little and presses a soft kiss to your lips, whispering that you're his favourite person (you haven't quite gotten to the 'I love you stage' yet, you're trying to take it as steady as two fated souls could). You love feeling his body pressed up against yours, his warmth and presence has always been so comforting to you the way lying down on your bed after a long day is. You knock forehead by accident when the driver hits a pothole by accident but the two of you laugh it off and you're so thankful that this is the kind of person you're with. You help Yoosung carry everything up to the apartment and cover the cab fare in secret for him, the driver smiling and making a small pact to tell him it was on the house and saying his boyfriend is the same way before waving and driving off.

You both hurry up to the apartment, stopping by maintenance e to borrow a ladder, and multi-tasking to tape the walls and cover everything and unstring your lights off of one wall. Yoosung has you borrow some of his painting clothes, changing into a pair himself before the two of you get to work, though you have to admit it's mostly Yoosung. From time to time he'll help instruct you on things you can do, painting isn't your strong suit and you love watching him so it's fine really, but you can tell he doesn't want you to feel excluded. He slides from your side to your back, taking your hand in his and helping you swirl the paintbrush around on the wall to create shade differences in the sky from varied air densities. He helps you mix colours for all kinds of blues and purples and guides your hand, cheering you on and saying how good you're doing and you honestly feel so elated.

The piece comes together faster than either of you had imagined with all your help, especially times where Yoosung would put you up on his shoulders to get near the top of wall which might have been both the most entertaining and scariest thing ever. You're entranced watching it form and how all the random splotches and swatches of colours turn into a a starry night sky,  _your_ starry night sky and how you love it is immeasurable. Yoosung's flicking paint at the wall for some final effects on the stars that you aren't terribly aware of when he gets this look on his face and you can't tell what it is but suddenly he's flicking paint at _you_. You gasp a little, stiffening up with your mouth open enough to catch flies when you start laughing at him and  _oh_ , is he  _in for it_ , you think, dipping your hands in a dark purple paint and shaking them at him. You know you're making a terrible decision and it's going to be a mess aftermath but you don't care, the two of you are giggling and there's even a few handfuls thrown and you are so glad these tarps are down because otherwise your apartment would be a midnight sky catastrophe. You throw a little less than a handful and put way too much into it seeing as it splats right onto the fridge and you both stand in absolute shock before laughing so hard you cry.

You and Yoosung gradually get closer to each other until you're only a step or two away from one another as you run your finger across his face and tap his nose with a small noise, leaving white whiskers on his cheeks and a little dot on his nose. He lifts your chin up and creates a small cluster of hearts across your cheeks and the bridge of your nose and you feel honored to have his heart doodles on your face, you've always wanted to be a work of art and you're grateful you're his. He places both hands on either side of your face and pulling you in for a kiss, and another one, and then another one, and another one until he's kissing all over your face and you're swatting him away because this is too much for your heart to handle.

"These are non-toxic right?" You take a moment to breathe before asking, looking at your hands and, really, every part of you that has some trace of paint on it.

"Of course, sweetie. We just have to wash them of soon and really well." He takes your hands in his and it's another one of those quiet moments where the vibe in the room is so intense and you could hardly breathe through it but it's so comfortable and sickeningly sweet in the best way. You stand together before this gorgeous, grand galaxy in the middle of your apartment and when you step towards it you feel like you're stepping into the sky at home with the stars and comets shoot around in your chest while you cover your mouth in awe. Your eyes wander upward, sinking everything in before turning back to Yoosung and thanking him, you feel so much at once and you're positive this boy could move mountains just based off of how much he's affected you tonight. You whisper something sweet to him before deciding to clean up, rolling up the tarps and resealing buckets of paint,

The two of you go steady under your new stars over the next months, the weather gets colder and the stress piles on seeing as the first set of big finals is coming up, you and Yoosung make an absurd amount of caffeinated beverages and snacks to stay up late nights. Your multi-media course is requiring a project from both of you so on top of studying, the stress is on, but thankfully your brain has been churning ideas about a piece on how specific forms of art affect the world and society for quite some time and you finish your work after about half a week. Yoosung isn't as lucky, however, he’s tense and he starts to feel like he can’t think or do anything quite right which is the most untrue tale he’s ever told himself, but when he gets upset his mind is something malicious to him.

He stresses and stresses and you stress try your best to help but you can only do so much before locked doors come into play, though you spend half those times right outside of it with a notebook and pencil to keep yourself occupied but close enough in case he needs you. You spend too much time in your heads and Yoosung spends so much time in his room you can’t possibly think it’s healthy for him to isolate himself like that. The days go on and locked doors turn into lashed out words and trying not to fight and bad habits on both of your parts, everything has such a strained feel to it. Tendencies to sneak out late at night and wander off by yourselves in what is thought to be unknown fashion develop and now coming home more with less answers and more secrets seems to become the norm for your home on Ninety-Third Street.

The two of you need to talk and sort yourselves out, it's painfully obvious, but things almost arent' the same and no one wants to say anything to the other most of the time. It's a disaster and you should have known that this would happen but things were just going  _so well_ ; apparently too well, though. You see each other less and less and you can hardly recall how you've ended up in this situation and you have almost no clue what's going on anymore, the times you do see one another both of you look like you've been to the deepest pits of hell at this point, dark circles and red eyes and a general overall look of two people who are being pushed to their limits. You never thought it'd get like this, you both seemed to be so prepared and have everything under control with game plans and all but life is too unpredictable to play fair.

By the time finals are over and both of you have gotten everything done you and your boyfriend have been exhausted to your very ends. Things are so off and you both have made such a mess of everything, even your friends notice it, you've gotten countless questions from Seven and Jaehee about what's going on and you can never even think of answering without the world's largest headache coming on. You sit together by your stars for the first time what must be weeks, you both look sleep deprived and sorry and it’s quiet but not in the good way. You bite at the inside of your lip and your cheeks and chew at your nails, all your nervous ticks coming together like a big reunion as you sit across the room from Yoosung. It's so quiet, but it's that cool blue quiet with the grey undertones when people don't want to or simply can't find the words to talk to each other, it engulfs the apartment like a poisonous gas and covers every inch and suffocates the two of you. You can't take it anymore.

"We're not gonna become that couple, are we?" Your words are rushed and almost hesitant as you look over at Yoosung for a moment before looking back down, you couldn't sit in deep, blue, cold water anymore.

He looks over at you, pulling his gaze from the window for one of the first times since you've sat down together and his face scrunches up in confusion, "What do you mean?"

You sigh, running a hand through your hair, "You know, _that couple_. The couple who thinks they're soulmates or something and seem so madly in love with each other where you bring me flowers and I kiss you good morning and goodbye every day before classes. But then once we're under pressure we crack and suddenly we hate and each other. And then we get even more distant until the day I find out you've slept with, like, four other people at shitty frat parties and you go off with one of them and...and then that's the end. Then, we just become strangers. Maybe we'll bump into each other at classes and somehow I end up with an invitation to some event of yours, or vice versa, and of course, I go but it's awful. There's so many people and we don't love each other anymore, at least that's what we'll tell ourselves; but for the most part we'll be strangers. The couple who thought they'd be together until they a hundred and one years old but couldn't even last a year. We're not gonna become them, are we?"

Your name slips out of Yoosung's mouth, his previous blank expression turning into one of hurt and tumult and something else you couldn't read as his mouth hung open just a bit, "I...Why would you think that?"

You bite your cheek, looking up for a moment before trying to regain your confidence because you had to know, it was going to eat you alive, "Where have you been going at night?"

"Where have  _you_  been going at night?" Yoosung questions and your brows furrow.

"To the library, and to Jaehee's. Why are you avoiding my question?" You don't understand, you didn't mean to come off abrasive or like you were angry at him and you've never seen him like this before. He's never talked to you like this or looked at you like this, you can't even tell what it is but you definitely can tell you don't like it.

"Why are you going to the library so late?"

"Because I didn't think you wanted me here! I've been worried sick about you and whether or not my boyfriend is going around behind my back so I've just been helping out past closing times and stuff so I can think of  _anything_  except what you've been doing." This doesn't make any sense, nothing makes any sense anymore, "But why won't you answer me? I don't mean to pry but, Yoosung, we need to talk...Where have you been going?"

He makes a small noise, putting his head in his hands for a moment, running one over his face before looking up at you, you can tell he's nervous and it only makes your doubts worse, "I've just...I've just been walking around the city, really. And, I've gone to a few parties, but I swear nothing's happened. It's just been me needing to blow off steam and I'm so sorry, I should have been better with you and I want to make it up to you so badly I just couldn't handle anything. I couldn't find any inspiration and I hit this big, emotional and creative wall. I'm so sorry, honey. I care about you so much, I didn't want to hurt you or have you see me caught up in myself. I want to fix things, but only if you'll let me, I don't want to be that couple but I don't want you to be somewhere you're not happy."

You come closer to him, reaching out and putting a hand on top of his comfortingly, "Yoosung..." You're almost at a lost for words as you sigh, "I'm glad you're alright, now. I'm so, so glad you weren't doing anything dangerous, honestly.  But, you can let me in, sometimes, at least, it's okay. I care about you, even the parts you want to hide, I want to help you and be there for you, alright? And I want to fix things too, I know it won't be easy but, I...I love you, you know?"

It's like you both stop breathing for a moment as your breaths get caught in your chests and Yoosung smiles softly at you and his eyes are just the slightest bit watery. He leans forward, resting his forehead against yours before giving you a soft kiss and oh, God, you've missed his kisses so much. You've missed how he gently presses his soft lips against yours and whispers words into your mouth and how he cups your face in his hands and being so close to him. Oh, you missed being close to him so badly, you want to get closer and closer and have every inch of him pressed up against every inch of you, feel his skin against yours and feel his warmth all over you like the sun. You don't ever want to stop kissing him even though this kiss is innocent and quick and maybe you shouldn't be forgiving him this easily but your heart sways your head. But one kiss turns into two which turns into three and hearing "I love you, too." fall out of his mouth is intoxicating like being able to breathe the freshest air and see the most beautiful blue skies, it's a conscious dream come true. 

The two of you feel like nervous kids again who don't have any idea what they're doing even though they think they have the secrets of the world held in their palms and you sort of are but it doesn't matter right now. Your noses bump against each other as Yoosung pulls you into his lap and you play with the little hairs at the nape of his neck before kissing down his jaw, behind his ear, down to his collar bones and shoulders. His skin is so soft and he smells like vanilla and sleep and all of your favourite things and his body feels like the sense of home you always longed for that came with such great comfort. He makes the most appealing tranquil noises, especially as you tell him you love him in a hushed voice right below his ear and shivers dance up his spine. You're in love with sitting on his lap and kissing him silly, you love the way your thighs look and you know he does too and you love having your legs on the out sides of his long, spindly legs that you love so much for reasons you can't put your finger on.

He's been flushed a dainty shade of pink that looks so complimenting on his cheeks and he's absolutely breathless and he's looking at you like he's fallen under a spell of yours with half lidded eyes. The two of you feel a rush of energy moving between each other and his voice is like music to your ears, you wish you could have written about how his sounds are an audible masterpiece that could make the sun come back up in the dead of night and create world peace. He's so winded when he speaks and his eyes can't stop moving around, looking so closely at every part of you he can, "You're so beautiful...I...I want to..."

Suddenly your mouth feels dry as you swallow and you're almost a bit taken aback because this is a big deal for both of you, like, a big, big deal. You aren't turned off to the idea, not at all and especially not right now, just you've hardly gotten to have a proper conversation about it, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, so sure. Positive. As long as you are." Yoosung's words come out so instantaneous, and you tell him that of course you're ready, you've wanted this for so long, you've wanted him in every way you could ever be lucky enough have him. He's the kindest in every situation, he brings out extra pillows and blankets and lights you fucking candles and you can hardly handle it but every thought escapes you when he gets  _so close_ to you again. You look up at him like you look up at the stars and he shines just like them, it's remarkable and this moment will always be etched into your brain to stay there forever. The kisses are soft at first and they're continually sweet and thoughtful but the two of you fall deeper and deeper into each other and you want to cry, he makes you so happy.

He's soft skin and hand holding and "are you okay?"s that make your heart beat so much faster while your breaths come out shaky and uneven in his presence. He's the most handsome boy you've ever seen, his body is art, everything about him is living, breathing, human art it's so unfair to everyone else alive. He tells you you're so beautiful every two minutes and he's enamored by everything you do so much so your night is almost cut short on a few occasions because he can't quite grasp mind over matter when you're around. He whispers the most charming things in your ear and you've never felt prettier than you do in front of him, you've never felt better than the way he makes you feel and you even feel gorgeous as you suck on his fingers, twirling your tongue around them without breaking eye contact. You've never felt more loved than the way you do when he makes your face scrunch up and tells you how much he loves your body and the sounds you make and how much he loves you, you,  _you_ , he loves you  _so much_. Yoosung is so careful with you and he helps clean you up and draws shapes on your skin in the afterglow while holding you and you might even love him more.

The days roll by casually afterwards without any strange feelings or uncomfortable silences or weird conversations, you're still normal with him and he's the same with you, if anything you're more loving to each other, if that's even possible. You build up stronger bonds and communicate more and next time Yoosung shuts down it isn't nearly as bad and he trusts you and you tell him thank you because you know how hard of a thing trust can be. Your friends don't worry anymore and live goes on by as you spend your days at your job and the occasional friend gathering. Before you know it, snow starts falling on the ground and the city is covered in holiday decorations and string lights appear on _everything_ and you love it.

One night you and Yoosung bundle up and head downtown where all the decorations are, the two of you get a small, golden heart ornament to hang up on the city's tree that stands unbelievably tall. He helps lift you up to somewhere you can reach to string the pendant around one of the tree's branches and pulls you in for a quick peck after and everything's so right. The streets are scattered with smiling faces and jumbled conversations you pick up in passing while laughing with your boyfriend and being lovesick with one another. You run down the streets with your fingers interlaced in the golden light of shop windows, winding between skyscrapers and under bridges, everything feels magical as if there's pixie dust floating all around you. You love seeing your footprints in the snow and sharing cold kisses with Yoosung, both of you adorning scarves and other excessive amounts of winter-wear; you're so happy.

The two of you look at all the shop displays, making commentary between each other over little things you notice and casually browse the stores without much interest of buying anything. You've always loved this time of year with so much joy and love and appreciation floating around the world and so many people coming together, you love the films and the music and the aesthetics of the season. It's cold but everything looks so gorgeous and Yoosung looks even more astonishing in one of your favourite settings, the warm light hitting his cheek bones and illuminating all his features you love so much, you can't believe you get to spend the holidays with him this year.  Most of the students are going home but the two of you are staying at your apartment in the city for the most part and hosting a small party for your friends who stay behind and in all honesty, you're both incredibly excited.

Shopping for each other in secret proves to be a lot more entertaining than you thought, and you can't wait to exchange gifts on Christmas day with one another even though your gift wrapping skills aren't top notch, you try your best and your bows are ninety-nine percent of the presentation, you think you did okay. The two of you can neither afford, fit, nor find a real tree but you find a thinner, fake one for a solid ten dollars on Amazon and it holds up well enough and you both appreciate the dash of colour the lights on it add to your living room. School becomes much better and much more lax, letting out  a few weeks after finals for winter break and even though most of your classmates depart, just about all of your friends stay behind. V goes home for a short period of time for family duties but promises to return back for your holiday get-together, Seven has no reason to go home as it seems his relationship with his parents is one of bad nature without a strong connection which is completely understandable and everyone else is too settled in the city to leave.

You make bath bombs for everyone with a tutorial provided by one of the RA's at your college who you always have short, friendly conversations with whenever you pass each other by, if Yoosung is busy during lunch you'll spend your free time with her instead. You present them in a clear bag tied with ribbon in small, pastel baskets also holding one or two of Yoosung's recipes and you have to admit, they look pretty adorable. You hold your party on Christmas Eve and are so pleased to see all of the familiar faces, thankfully V keeps his promise, even managing to bring Jumin along who you don't know much about but you know whenever his name comes up in conversation V's face lights up and he smiles _so big_. Jaehee shows up with Zen in tow while Seven arrives fashionably early in the ugliest Christmas sweater you've ever seen while you and Yoosung are making a desperate attempt not to burn any of the food you've been cooking. You exchange hugs with everyone who, of course, are exceptionally kind people who you have wonderful conversations with and making a mental note to keep in contact with everyone more frequently.

You and V alternate snapping photos during gift exchanges and games and other candid moments that you want to keep forever, as the vibe in the room is so inviting and everyone's smiling. Yoosung's painting on your wall gives you both a good story to tell and everyone makes a sound of awe in unison as your cheeks heat up, blushing at the thought of that night. Everyone complains about finals which turns into cracking jokes about how awful college is and Yoosung almost blows eggnog out of his nose from laughing because what they’re saying is unbelievably true and relevant. You depart from the group for a moment to go take some cookies out of the oven when Seven follows you back there and suddenly he seems so small and quiet compared to his normal self as he tells you in a hushed voice with honest eyes that this is the best Christmas he’s ever had. He tells you how he’s never really had happy holidays but here, he feels like he’s with family and people who love him and he thanks you and you tear up a little bit and reassure him that _yes_ , he _is_ with family and people who love him as you hug him.

Everyone sits around and talks about old holidays, good and bad, and gets nostalgic about adventures with each other they mostly haven’t even had yet with stars in their eyes. As the evening winds down people start to dwindle out, though not before helping you clean up for which you are eternally grateful, and you all make sure to plan to do this again on New Year’s as you hug goodbye. You and Yoosung stay up a bit later, watching snow fall and eating left over pastries and talking amongst yourselves about whatever comes to mind before kissing each other goodnight and heading to your rooms. The next morning both of you wake up far too early and greet one another with big, enthusiastic smiles and wish each other a Merry Christmas in the silliest voices you can, laughing. Sitting in front of your tree, you apologize for the lack of wrapping skills you encompass within yourself seeing as Yoosung’s presents were wrapped like they belong in a fucking display window in some fancy, expensive shop.

Yoosung insists on you going first, wrapping one of his arms around your waist and putting the other over his mouth as he watches you pull apart the paper, revealing a small box holding a star-shaped locket inside. Upon opening it, you find there’s space for a picture on one side, and engraved on the other is the phrase “I love you to the moon and back” in a lovely little cursive font and you feel like you’re going to cry because this is so sweet of him. You tell Yoosung that he didn’t have to do this, that this is too kind, trying not to cry as you give him a sweet kiss. You wipe at your face and adjust the blanket around your shoulders before egging him on to take his turn now, giggling slightly. He has the biggest smile on his face as he unwraps his gift and you don’t think it could get bigger but it does as he reads your note to him about how much you love him and your time together and you can’t believe that you’re the reason he’s smiling like that because you thought it could only happen in your wildest dreams for so long.

After he reads the note, his hands search around the tissue paper until finding a box equally as small as the one you were given, opening it to reveal a spinner ring (both of you have a fidgeting habit, seemingly always needing to be doing something with your hands) with crescent moons on it and you hold your hands up comically in defense because you had no idea you would give each other night sky related things. He hugs you and says that it’s perfect because you’re so bright and make him feel so worthwhile and less lonely and he loves you like the moon loves the stars. You tell him to dig around a little more and he does, causing him to find a photo album containing pictures upon pictures of the two of you, dating back as far as the second or third time you met up with each other and his voice is so breathy when he says thank you, he’s so stunned and you’re just glad he liked everything. You kiss him again, telling him you love him and you’re glad you’re with him and he tells you that glad couldn’t even begin to cover how he feels about you while smiling into the kiss. You slide the ring onto his finger with ease and, oh, it looks so beautiful on him, it looks perfect and he’s perfect and he helps you clasp the back of your new necklace and the two of you probably look like a couple out of a shitty Hallmark ad but neither of you care.

The two of you spend your day inside, padding around your apartment in pajamas and fuzzy socks listening to music and dancing and mumbling your favourite lyrics to one another when they come up once things wind down. You watch holiday films from your childhoods while Yoosung's fingers dance up your side which always, always soothes you even if you don't have anything particularly stressful on your mind, it's always oddly reassuring. In hindsight, there's nothing particularly exciting about your day, you just relish in the feeling of being with each other and share soft kisses here and there and of course it's just as wonderful as any wild thing you could have done. Near the end of the night when both of you look out your window you can't help speculating what everyone's busy with today and it always amazes you how many people there are that lead their own lives and how different they are from yours that pass your home every day.

The most eventful, and not to mention heartwarming, thing is Yoosung's antsy tenancies that come along if he hasn't painted for an extended period of time mixing with his overwhelming feelings for you that ends with you face down, shirtless and trying to hold as still as you can as Yoosung moves his paint brushes across your skin. It's astounding, he makes these delicate flowers bloom from the bumps of your spine and vines that curl all the way around your ribcage and water lilies sprout from your shoulder blades. There are a few mess ups on your part but nobody can really blame you, you're just overly ticklish and the sensation of someone detailing with paint on your back and tiny brushes is one of those sensations you just can't help but giggle at. You try to paint on Yoosung too, but it really isn't your medium and you give up after a few attempts at some planets to write poetry and spill out your heart for him in the best font you can manage to create with sheer luck. When you step into your shower together that's definitely too small to realistically hold the two of you, you're each so shy still which is so boggling to one another since you can never say enough about how breathtaking the other is. The warm water feels so good on your skin and Yoosungs fingers running over your scalp and scrubbing at your back gently is so heavenly you feel like you could just melt into his touch in the most literal way. You share wet kisses and you massage strawberry shampoo into his hair and blow soap bubbles and you just love each other so much.

That feeling sticks with the both of you with immense strength and a vast presence blanketing over your mind and emotions frequently, maybe it's the winter season or from the people around you or how open and intimate you've been with each other or maybe it's just how the two of you are. It's almost overpowering one moment on New Year's Eve, you're at Jaehee's with Yoosung and all your beloved friends, minutes away from the clock ticking down to midnight when this profound feeling just comes at you. You can't really describe it but it makes you shiver and think too much through your rose coloured thoughts, it's not in a bad way thought, you just wonder. You think about all that you've been through this year and what's in store for you next, between your new position at the city times post once March roles around and Yoosung's multiple upcoming galleries and what the two of you will do about your apartment when the spring comes and your lease is up. Maybe you'll renew it together or go somewhere else, you hope the two of you will still be together; you think about that certain topic a lot. You wonder about who you'll surround yourself with this time next year, you certainly hope it will be all the people you're around now, you wonder about the small little shop you work at now and the diner you and Yoosung first met at and you wonder how all of this happened.

As the minutes turn to seconds and seconds turn to chants of  _ten, nine, eight,_ start up your mind stops its whirs of worries because the stars are realigning and you can't think much when Yoosung cups your face in his hands and kisses you deeply while everyone cheers. The planets are still in orbit and you are still together and you think everything might just be okay with the constellations seeming to work in your favour as you thank your lucky stars.


End file.
